Top 10 Playlist: Menopause Through Music
Menopause used to be viewed as “a natural plague” in the medical world. Thankfully, pioneers in cultural awareness like the writers of “Menopause, The Musical” as well as other progressive health-care practitioners, have helped change the perception of this imminent reality. Each woman’s experience is unpredictable though. This change of life is different for everyone. Yet, music has the power to unite people across cultures and can comfort us in just a few opening bars. It can sum up all of our emotions and touch the soul when finding the right words to express how we’re feeling seems futile. Here’s a playlist I put together to listen to when I’m feeling down and need a pick up to remind me just how awesome being a woman is while I’m getting used to this new midlife journey.
Remember, you’re never alone as a midlife woman. We’re all in this together!
I wish I could remember how I stumbled upon this song, but from the moment I heard it’s opening line, I knew it was my morning anthem, bedtime prayer, and daily mantra. I played it for my daughter and sons who in turn have sang it in unison and private (which tells me I can’t be completely crazy for loving such a simple yet hypnotic tune). As my mother’s daughter, I’ve been the black sheep, the outcast, the prodigal and yes, the savage. I’ve felt the sting of exclusion and conditional love and shame. But as a mother, I want my daughter to know the power of such negative labels. I’ve flipped the script and am proud to be one of the few who choose to take the road less traveled, go against the grain, and trade a life of ordinary for extraordinary living.
We often put up with or take on more of other people’s emotional crap longer than we ever should. And eventually, it takes a toll on us, until we’ve had enough. One of menopause’s best potions is it’s emotional cleanse - where we clear our minds and souls, look inward and emit people, places, and things that no longer serve us. Disrespectful is like our inner voice telling us it’s okay to set those boundaries and say goodbye to unhealthy relationships. It isn’t about shaming anyone or saying all the bad things someone did to us. It just confirms the facts: what we had isn’t working anymore; our past relationship with ourselves or other people has run it’s course and it’s time to stop focusing on trying to fix and heal someone else when we’re due a bit of fixing and healing ourselves.
If I’m being honest, this entire album (Growing Pains) is one of the best self-love albums out there. But since this is a top 10 playlist I had to begrudgingly pick one track. One of the most difficult yet liberating parts of women’s transition into menopause, is just being themselves. Sure, our 20s are about getting into an adult groove, and 30s finding a healthier work-life balance, but our 40s, 50s and beyond? Self reckoning: accepting our bodies, finding our happiness, and damn it just being. Besides, if the lyrics of this tune don’t fire you up, the beat and bass sure as hell will.
My daughter turned me onto this tune when she was a toddler. I was deep in the thick of motherhood hell and hadn’t had a free moment to listen to new music even though my preschooler had better access to great tunes during her school dance-a-thons. She requested this one a lot and while usually pop isn’t my thing unless I’m working out and need a specific bpm, the lyrics in this number made me crank it up and tell my daughter she could listen to alllll the Katy Perry she wanted. Even the controversial ones (I Kissed A Girl). Now, neck deep in perimenopause and grasping for any and every reminder just how femininely badass I am, this song is definitely one we should aspire to believe.
I remember when P!nk came out. I was finishing my first year of college and grateful a new brand of feminism was finally hitting the airwaves. But I can’t say I was a fan or bought any of her songs; I was in college and stuck on the principal that poor, indie artists could only create true art. Looking back, I appreciate this number because of its gritty, in-your-face confidence-boosting hook. Too often we self-deprecate, doubt, and worry too much when we could be embracing and empowering ourselves. Hopefully though, one of the positive aging rewards will remind us we’re rock stars. And no one can tell us otherwise!
Shhh! I have a secret…My husband introduced me to Lizzo. Yes, my husband. “She’s exactly who our daughter should listen too - swear words and all!” he said. I didn’t believe him. In fact, I even dug my feet in and refused to listen to this new name on the billboards. Besides, what does my husband know about female empowerment or even good female musicians (if you looked at his album collections he’s only had a handful of women-led groups and even then, none were considered big movers or shakers in women’s movements)? Eventually, I was trapped in the car with him and it was his turn to play DJ. Damn. Not only did I appreciate her sound, but just her overall message on body positivity, self-care, and empowerment. This song is all about how if you gotta let someone go because they don’t love or treat you the way you deserve to be treated, well then…their loss. Not yours. She’s like a modern Aretha with a whole lot more demands than RESPECT. Go get ‘em ladies. You’re all good as hell.
Remember my bucket list? Seeing Jill Scott perform live is one of my Top 10. Her poetry and sound - I’m speechless. And that’s something since I almost always have an opinion or soapbox. That said, if women were a movie and there could only be a single song on the soundtrack, this would be it. Our lives ARE Golden. Why don’t we see that? Menopause is that period in our lives where we can stop and say, “Damn, my life is worth more than what everyone else determines it to be!” It’s not bronze or pewter, silver or copper. It’s GOLDEN. Own it sisters. Set your value and never turn back.
One of the most best parts about aging is the humble realization that the more you learn and know, the more you don’t know and need to learn. Menopause doesn’t give us all the answers. And it doesn’t really give us the tools or resources to find them either. But it does give us comfort and grace while we examine the questions about our life and it’s imperfections and choices. It helps you get to know yourself and bravely accept the unknown. This song should be the anthem for all women in the throes of midlife struggles. We’re not perfect, nor do we have all the answers, but the closer we come to accepting that about ourselves, the closer we are to happiness, freedom, and truly understanding the basis of unconditional self-love.
Anybody that knows me well will not be the slightest bit surprised that I had an Ani song in my playlist. Her music has been like a distant sister in many of my developmental crossroads, and perimenopause is no exception. When she was on tour before she recorded this track, she talked about how this one came to be. Ani was discovered and loved for her controversial songs. She talked about issues that many avoided simply because of the potential discourse. Now, she still talks about controversial topics. She’s still an activist, feminist, and has some strong political opinions. But her sound is tamer. Her once divisive individualism has softened since she hit midlife age. Maybe she’s found a sweet spot in promoting a common thread everyone should exhibit no matter what political or religious affiliation: forgiveness, compassion, and love.
Beauty’s a funny thing. The media and fashion industries tell us it’s all about the physical. Our hair, skin, face, shape, and style contribute to 99% of our whole. They define just how beautiful we are. But in this phase we unlearn quickly the falsehood. We have to. Otherwise, we’ll wind up with a whole new slew of emotional and psychological problems that come with age: the fear of being old, irrelevant, and goddess forbid, wrinkled! To be honest, Christina should’ve waited to sing this song. She was too young to fully grasp or pour out the truths of middle age womanhood. But I can’t fault her. This song didn’t make complete sense to me either till I hit my stride at 40. Now, with a few wrinkles, a few extra pounds, and a lot of opinions on Botox and liposuction, I think this song resonates with all of us even if we miss our younger bodies from time to time. We know we’re beautiful. Every single day. Our new revelation is in the end of that hook: words won’t bring us down. So, let’s not bring each other down today…
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